The social tug of war

We call it “social media,” but what’s so social about it?  Sometimes a distinction that should be obvious is difficult to make, and sometimes it’s even contradictory.  Consider the phrase ‘online social networking’ for a moment.  What comes to mind?  If you’re anything like me, you envision someone sitting at their computer late at night, writing on someone’s Facebook wall, replying to a Tweet, or commenting on a top story on Digg.

But what’s so social about this?  Not much, if you’re honest with yourself.  Even though this is hardly a groundbreaking realization, it’s still important; no matter how often this topic has been covered, if we haven’t found a solution, we must continue to discuss it: the unfortunate truth is that online social media pulls us away from being truly social, and in this game of tug of war, the only loser is often ourselves.

Sacrifices of being social

Maintaining networks and relationships online is impossible without turning attention away from the real world experience.  Consider the brief anecdote of me composing this blog post, for instance.  In order to write this article, I’ve got to sit down, indoors, with my desktop PC and spend around an hour working to the best of my ability to make my thoughts cogent and relatable.  The phone’s away, AIM is shut down, my door is closed; in other words, we sacrifice physical connections in order to build online ones.

Of course, the reverse functions in much the same way.  While eating dinner with friends, for example, the Internet is necessarily distant.  In order to be a polite and social creature, I owe my friends the attention and appreciation they deserve, which means the iPhone is away, laptops are closed, and computers are far.  I’m able to attend to my pals, but my e-mail, Google Reader items, and conversations on social networks remain out of reach.

We sacrifice physical connections in order to build online ones. 

If I spend too much time sequestered with a computer relating to online contacts, I’d quickly become disadvantaged in day-to-day interactions with my peers.  I’d be missing out on funny stories, great conversations, sports, music, and more, quickly earning the reputation of hermit, misanthrope, or worse.  Fewer people would be able to relate to me, be aware of me, or respect me.

Yet focusing on these relations carries online disadvantages.  Fewer readers subscribe to my blog or read my Tweets, I slowly become part of the outgroup on cutting-edge services such as FriendFeed, I’m not up to date on my tech news.

Finding balance?

Finding a solution to this tug of war is not necessarily easy.  Giving any social domain a half-hearted effort is much less rewarding than engaging fully.  Stopping in to check on a close friend once a month is as useless as writing a blog article just as frequently.

How can we manage this balancing act, though?  In my opinion, we can do so by merging domains.  If the people we interact with online are the same individuals we bump into in person, both modalities, online and off, have the same audience.  (Being Twitter friends with campus buddies, for instance.)

Likewise, if we streamline ways of broadcasting or interacting with both on and off-line friends simultaneously, we’d have another solution on our hands.  (Live streaming with friends for an internet audience, for example.)

How do you find balance?  In your social media tug of war, who wins?

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